Publish at December 11 2024 Updated December 11 2024
Having a personality is a prerequisite for asserting oneself. In the educational or professional environment in general, for better self-fulfillment, whether as a teacher or a student, knowing how to respond in the negative to a constraint affecting one's balance and happiness is necessary. It's just a matter of being aware of it.
When there's a group activity, it's important to recognize that responsibilities are defined and shared upstream. For example, in group presentations, each student is assigned a specific task, which he or she must complete before the whole can be brought together. However, it can happen that, for one reason or another, some students are relieved of their duties.
In such cases, the person receiving the extra workload can easily find himself in a state of stress, as he will not only be taking care of his own part, but also taking on an additional responsibility. By accepting this kind of compromise, it can over time become a habit that will have an effect on him.
To illustrate, when I was a student, there were those who sometimes found stratagems to avoid completing their parts on a collective assignment. Others, generally considered the most intelligent, found themselves doing the extra work. Even though they were concerned about the group's success, it was clear from their subsequent attitudes that they were unhappy.
According to Clara Munnier, there are sociological and even psychological reasons that prevent us from saying no, even when we want to. In fact, fear of being judged by others is usually at the top of the list, because at a very young age, we develop a sense of belonging to a group and unconsciously want to maintain a certain stability at all costs. Nevertheless, this requires a continual acceptance of certain situations that don't always suit us.
In this vein, a student who finds himself doing his "friends'" homework invests himself in it for fear of losing their company, and therefore wishes to keep the group together. This tendency can also be seen in learners who form groups to undermine classroom stability, including someone who doesn't always agree with the attitude of others. Despite this, he remains attached to them.
The teacher is not to be outdone, either, as it can happen that, having other abilities, he or she becomes much in demand by the head of the school to carry out additional tasks such as writing reports, organizing extra-curricular activities and so on, even though this has nothing to do with his or her original contract. Even if he doesn't agree with these increasingly regular requests, he'll find it hard to say no, as he doesn't want to "undermine" his relationship with management. Although it's not easy, he'll need to have the courage to say no to regain his equilibrium.
At this stage of the analysis, a nuance is in order. In fact, a teacher may well want to increase the skills of his learners by giving extra homework, but a student who takes issue with this approach is no longer in the law, and should quickly be brought to order. However, when it's not professional, it's a different matter altogether. To continue, in the case of harassment, it's important to say no and even to report it.
To give an example, a student who was the victim of harassment had the courage to denounce her tormentor, a teacher at a Cameroonian university. In reality, he had committed the same crime with other students who didn't have the guts to highlight his actions. Moreover, it's not out of the question for a teacher to be called upon by his administration to do a one-off service, but when it becomes systematic, it could lead to other things. Sometimes, the teacher hangs on to his or her requests in the hope of receiving favors from the school administration.
Even if we can't simply propose miracle solutions, it's still necessary to mention the methods often proposed in this perspective. These include the DESC method (Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences), a structured technique for saying no while preserving interpersonal relationships.
In reality, saying no requires a certain amount of deportment to avoid offending the other person. Knowing how to say no is ultimately a question of reflection, frankness and honesty. William Shakespeare once said: "No inheritance is richer than honesty.
Illustration: AI-generated image - Hermann Labou
Sources
How to say no: our tips for listening to yourself - Les Sherpas
https://sherpas.com/blog/savoir-dire-non/
6 keys to saying no and setting effective limits
https://www.la-clinique-e-sante.com/blog/confiance-estime/savoir-dire-non-poser-limites
How to say no without offending the other person?
https://www.reinventersontravail.com/comment-dire-non-sans-froisser-son-interlocuteur/
CAMEROON: sex scandal at Douala University
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHvZCBj_Prk
Quote HONESTY: 90 phrases and proverbs
https://citation-celebre.leparisien.fr/citation/honnetete
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