Why do we argue with our loved ones?

Whether we like it or not, we've all had arguments with people we love; parents, spouses, friends, children or family can all become potential targets of an argument. Why is this? Shouldn't we have more patience with them than with strangers? Philosopher Maxime Rovère looks into this question.

Drawing on Poincaré's theory of chaos and Spinoza's theory of the passions, he explains that we are traversed by different emotions and thoughts that lead to moments of tension. We often have the impression that these sudden changes come out of nowhere. On the contrary, they're part of a continuum of situations and feelings we've been experiencing for a long time.

For example, when everyone gets upset with the uncle who made a macho remark at family dinner, is it really the discussion itself that is being called into question, or rather the passive behavior that has existed for a long time in the family dynamic? Or is it the suffering of the women in the group who have been subjected to gender-specific approaches?

Getting out of conflict, therefore, would require a truly philosophical and empathetic approach that requires us to understand ourselves, first and foremost, and also to listen to the other's torment. The aim would be to understand all the micro-elements that led to the situation, but to forgive what happened. This is often difficult, as forgiveness is generally seen in our society as the erasure of fault. However, for the philosopher, the idea is to move towards appeasement and a better understanding of what led to this point, an acceptance of the human failings that are always present, even in oneself.

Running time: 25 minutes