Have we lost our sense of love?

The question of love is sociologically very interesting, as sociologist Eva Illouz shows. Especially today, when the model is undergoing a radical transformation.

There was a time when love was not an essential element of marriage. Then, it became an ideal to be attained, a sort of epinal image that lulled romantic comedies and Disney films, among others. Today, the quest for love is complicated by two opposing feelings, according to the sociologist.

• On the one hand, we have a society that relies heavily on rationality, independence and self-love to the benefit of others.
• On the other, to fall in love is to become vulnerable, to develop a slight dependence on another, and so on.

Moreover, the sociologist has difficulty with the idea that we should love ourselves completely. Recognition, an important human need, comes from others.

What's more, the current model of dating sites and the Tinder of this world has made things more commercial. We all have a list in our heads of things we want, and we choose those who seem to match our expectations. However, attraction to the sociologist comes from things that don't characterize themselves so much. It's a tone of voice, a smile, a wink, a laugh, and so on. As a result, we all end up like pots on a store shelf hoping to be elected. This freedom has led to a certain disenchantment, as Max Weber put it, of the vision of love.

Does this mean we should return to less freedom, or even ban the new approaches brought about by the queer and feminist movements? Absolutely not, in her view. Above all, we need to reinvent the model so that it's less cold, less commodified, and leaves room for vulnerability at a time when it's frowned upon.

Running time: 25min15

Image: Jill Wellington from Pixabay