Publish at April 29 2026 Updated April 29 2026
Education begins at home, with a manual that every parent writes, revises, adjusts and, above all, applies according to the context. There's a lot of talk about educating children, but little about educating parents, which is why certain ideas have emerged and become entrenched, and deserve to be re-examined.
In order to educate their children, parents set rules, which are often resisted by their offspring. In their desire to do the right thing, aren't they sometimes blinded by their status?
Rightly or wrongly, society has given the parent a pre-eminent role. At times, they can get bogged down in toxic authoritarianism under the guise of playing their role. Has manipulation gone too far? What can go wrong in such an educational climate? Is the end of the tunnel within reach?
Whatever the educational method or approach, every parent's objective is, in principle, to ensure a quality education, to guarantee a better future for their offspring. For this reason, they make sometimes superhuman efforts to provide for their children's multiple needs. On top of this, he is the first educator, setting the tone for the path to follow.
Even if, according to research, 10% of parents regret having chosen this path, the overwhelming majority - 90% - do not, despite the many challenges of parenthood. For a start, both parents - the most classic form of family - need to be on the same wavelength when it comes to the path ahead. In this vein, Daniel Coum reminds us that:
"the sharing of the child implied by its inclusion in a double lineage imposes the principle of the contradiction of the omnipotent will of one over the child, obliging at the very least a negotiation, distribution and other delegation, between parents and, by extension, peers concerning the child, be they professionals, neighbors or other co-educators."
Once the educational project is well formulated, flaws can arise in its application, and it's at this point that we have to be adaptable to find the right formula. Is it always so obvious?
Manipulation sets in day after day, when the parent indulges in an impression of omniscience, making him or herself a demigod who can make no mistakes in the application of his or her educational project. The essence of this lies in the generational differences between parents from a more authoritarian upbringing and a world where the concepts of agility, flexibility and negotiation are more in vogue. In this configuration, it becomes difficult and rare to find a parent asking their child to apologize.
When a parent's role is limited to issuing clear directives, without the possibility of adapting to divergent postures on the part of the children, the chances of getting tangled up are high. The parent tends to use his or her status to impose the trajectory to be followed. Does the mere fact of being a parent give him de facto full knowledge of all the issues involved? Since he's so convinced of his path, he leaves little room for contradiction.
Some manage to realize that the trajectory adopted at the outset needs to be reviewed, but in view of the parental bubble of enlightened guidance, they rarely backtrack. In the name of preserving the authority conferred by his status, it's hard to take a step back. Even if they do manage to turn back, they will rarely be in a position to acknowledge any wrongdoing.
Sandra Lacombe sees this attitude as proof ofimmaturity. One of the common traits of emotionally immature parents is their inability to see beyond their own reality. Because their perception of parenting is static, they are always on guard against other perspectives, often embodied by the child, whose aspirations send out signals that can help them understand their real needs.
Too much pressure on a child, due to continuous impositions, can lead to irreversible tragedy. A case in point is a child's suicide, due not only to the high level of parental pressure, but also to a complete lack of support. To avoid such cases, we need to open the way to regular communication.
In the introduction to her guide to a better approach to parenting, Marion Sarazin declares: "Parenting is one of the few professions we have to practice without training...".
In fact, many become parents when they reach adulthood. Most are inspired by the upbringing they received from their parents of a different generation, hence the contradictions. Others learn from documentaries and films on education. There is also a more atypical category: those who become children even though they have never stopped being children. This last category can be broken down into different categories: young post-adolescents who want to get on with things, or elders forced to take on the role of parents because of a tragic family situation.
Marion Sarazin advocates usingthe positive intention method to change undesirable behaviors. Instead of asking questions to understand the cause of a child's problem, which is likely to make the situation worse, it's better to look for the positive intention behind the child's actions.
So, rather than thinking: "My child is really unbearable/idiot/unreasonable/misbehaving/disobedient/lazy", it's more appropriate to say: "I wonder what he's trying to achieve that's important for him and positive for others. To do this, he invites us to change our way of thinking as parents, one of the requirements of this method being to banish the why of an action and look for the positive intention behind it.
A number of isolated parenting school initiatives have been launched in France, the United States and even Greece. The emphasis is on workshops for parents to exchange ideas and share experiences. In this vein, at the Roubaix school, parent education has been on the agenda since 2019. During the sessions, parents share their experiences on various education-related topics under the supervision of a specialist. At the end of the discussions, recommendations in the form of homework are sometimes given for parents to apply at home. Future sessions are an opportunity to share experiences and learn from each other.
When it comes to educating children, imperfection is a universal reality. We don't need to be rigid, but rather flexible and open to dialogue, to ease tensions when they arise and build a stronger relationship between parents and children.
Sources
Parenthood, a source of happiness? - Arte
https:// cursus.edu/fr/35064/la-parentalite-une-source-de-bonheur
What does it mean to be a parent today? - Daniel Coum - https://shs.cairn.info/article/JDP_246_0067
Educating with a smile - Marion Sarazin - https://excerpts.numilog.com/books/9782729618797.pdf
A school for learning to be a parent - Alexandre Roberge
https:// cursus.edu/fr/13341/une-ecole-pour-apprendre-a-etre-parent
An immature parent is always right - Sandra Lacombe
h ttps:// sandralacombe.com/un-parent-immature-a-toujours-raison/
Education: when parents don't understand their children - Nguyễn Hồng Nga
https://lecourrier.vn/education-quand-les-parents-ne-comprennent-pas-leurs-enfants/1076067.html
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