Publish at April 29 2026 Updated May 18 2026
Manipulation is a behavior that has been studied extensively in social psychology since the 60s. It has been observed in a wide range of human relationships, from the family to economics and marketing, as well as management and politics.
It is one of the three behaviors described by Transactional Analysis (TA) as non-assertive [not expressing one's needs, opinions or feelings directly and honestly]. Its aim is to influence the other person's choices, and it would only be used in cases where you can't/want to be authentic. It would also be a way of taking power over the other person.
The question here is whether this non-assertive behavior can nevertheless have benevolent goals and/or positive effects.
TA, which has studied this issue extensively, tells you that "when a person is faced with the need to deal with the reactions of others, needs others or has to settle a disagreement with others, the various possible reactions can be summarized in four typical attitudes:
The choice of manipulation comes into play in two situations in particular:
In the first case, we use it because we're convinced that there's no other solution to protect ourselves from aggression. In the second case, we may also be persuaded that there is no other way, but we may also use it out of a desire to dominate the situation, or simply for fun when we could do otherwise.
We all learned to manipulate as children. Back then, we used our sense of observation and instinct. Children, for example, know very well how to use Karpman's dramatic triangle to get what they want from their parents, by posing as a victim in front of a persecutor (one of the two parents, the one who refuses), which easily triggers the other parent's savior reaction. Children's instincts tell them when, how and who can be manipulated.
There is no malicious intent behind this behavior. It is acquired when the child learns through observation that a direct request is unlikely to succeed, or, faced with a dysfunctional parent or parents, that he or she must protect him- or herself.
As adults, we may or may not persist in this type of behavior, and this may or may not be conscious. Some people use manipulation on a daily basis without even realizing it, for example, by telling their interlocutor what will please him or her, always with the same aim in mind: either to protect themselves from potential aggression, or to obtain something from the other person, such as friendship or a favor.
Some people use manipulation under the guise of benevolence. They sincerely believe they are taking care of the other person by not telling them the truth, and by encouraging them to adopt this or that behavior supposedly "good for them".
To succeed in manipulating someone, you need to identify and use one of their "weak points" or "blind spots". For example, this could be a value that's very important to that person, a value that you'll pretend to adhere to or, on the contrary, that you'll deliberately trample on to get the other person to react. It could also be a complex or a fear that you've identified in the other person, and which you'll deliberately push. The moment the other person reacts, he's hooked. The emotion triggered makes him lose some of his ability to reason. You can then guide him in the direction you want him to go.
If, for example, a person has a very strong need for recognition, all you have to do is compliment them, reassure them of their importance, and you've got what you want. If someone needs to stay in control, all you have to do is give them the illusion that they're in control of the situation and the decisions they've made. As the Buddhists say, "the person who has the power to make you react is your master".
In the case mentioned above of children using the psychological game of the dramatic triangle, the parents are affected in their desire to be good parents and, for one, to inculcate good values in their children, and for the other, to give them love. Let's not forget that the roles in the dramatic triangle are not set in stone, and that everyone can find themselves alternately in one posture or the other. The only way not to get caught up in this game, and therefore not to be "manipulated", is to become aware of what's going on.
The "Persecutor" must accept to recognize his weaknesses, vulnerability and shortcomings, without feeling diminished. The "Savior" must accept that he or she is sometimes powerless, and convince himself or herself that he or she can be of value to others without having to solve all their problems. The "Victim" must accept that he sometimes needs help, and learn to ask for it sincerely and straightforwardly.
It is said that some people are particularly manipulative - they have "manipulative personalities" - and that we should be wary of them (Isabelle Nazare-Aga), as if the population were divided into manipulators and others. As we've seen, we're all potential manipulators, but some of us are better at it than others. In fact, some temperaments are also more inclined to manipulate as a reflex behavior when dealing with others.
According to styles :
These are the automatisms of each style, especially in stressful situations, which bring us back to our instinctive self-defense system. Of course, we all possess the potential of all 4 styles, and each of us can sometimes draw on the know-how of one of the other styles, after observing it and learning how to use it. Human beings spend their lives learning and evolving.
"Research in social psychology today shows, through an incredible density and diversity of experiments carried out in the street, in stores but also in ordinary organizational contexts, that our behavior is not always under our control and that, unbeknownst to us, we are manipulated daily by factors of influence that seem so innocuous to us that we never consider, at any moment, that they could lead us to do something we would never have done spontaneously". (Nicolas Guegen)
Marketing and advertising are essentially based on consumer manipulation. Anything can be used to persuade them to buy, and rarely in a frontal way, thanks to arguments. More often than not, we play on the potential customer's values, cognitive biases, desire to be valued, etc., far more than on the quality of the product itself.
Two examples:
And all these approaches are based on in-depth psychological and neuroscientific research, as well as detailed observation of the behavior of target audiences. This kind of manipulation can be so sophisticated that it's hard to detect unless you've had specific training.
Other professions are regularly accused of consciously manipulating others, mainly to make money or gain power.
The paramedical professions, in particular, as well as support professions, such as the coaching profession featured in the film Gourou (Director: Yann Gozlan, January 2026), are regularly singled out for criticism, with the suspicion of a lack of genuine competence and an intention to take control.
Seen from the outside, it is often difficult to understand why some people trust others, and whether or not they are right to do so. Behind these sometimes scathing criticisms, there's also the well-established idea that you can manipulate someone without their knowledge and without them being able to do anything about it. In this respect, mentalists and hypnotists both fascinate and frighten.
And yet, with apparently the best intentions in the world, others practice manipulation under the indulgent gaze of everyone else. The state, for example, regularly broadcasts "government messages" aimed at changing behavior. These messages present few frontal arguments that could be challenged. Instead, they are based on the intimate values and desires of each individual, such as to be socially integrated, to be a responsible citizen or a good parent, to appear "in the know" or to contribute to respecting the planet.
They assume, therefore, that it is not possible to bring about this change in behavior assertively, by appealing to the individual's intelligence and, above all, by allowing him or her to react and discuss it, and that it is better to try to convince through the back door. Many of these messages are infantilizing or accusatory.
Is it really possible to manipulate others in a benevolent way, without at all, or as little as possible, seeking to encroach on the other person's power over his or her own life? This question begs others. For example, can we manipulate others without realizing it? Is it really possible to be 100% assertive without ever trying to manipulate anyone? Can we really prevent ourselves from manipulating?
There are probably no clear-cut answers to these questions. In general, you have to consider the context, the age of the individual concerned and of the person being influenced, and the intention, of course, behind the manipulation used.
In the field of pedagogy, for example, we can consider that the intention is a priori good and sincere, since the aim is to provide useful knowledge. Any means adapted to achieve this may therefore seem legitimate.
Teachers and trainers study learners' psychology and learning behaviors to adjust their methods and discourse. Some of their practices are based, for example, on the study of memory function or motivation to act. We know, for example, that emotions help us to memorize, and a seasoned pedagogue will therefore play on them, through laughter, surprise or cognitive shock, to anchor the knowledge transmitted.
Is this manipulation? In a way, yes, since these practices are devious ways of influencing the behavior of uninformed learners. Is it wrong, or in any case not benevolent? It can be if, when choosing your teaching objectives, you don't take the learner's needs into account - if you don't question them - if you don't question your approach when learners protest or suggest alternatives, and if you refuse to reveal what your method is based on when questioned.
In 1963, social psychology researcher Stanley Milgram conducted a landmark study on the power of authority. He concluded that individuals tend spontaneously to trust and obey people they recognize as having authority (elected representatives, doctors, teachers...) and, as a result, may agree to adopt behaviors they would normally reject.
Today, the authority of elected representatives, teachers and even doctors is widely questioned, particularly by the younger generations. Nevertheless, we can't overlook the fact that an individual vested with such authority over learners can influence their behavior both positively and negatively. Vigilance is therefore called for when fulfilling such a role, whatever the age of the interlocutor, whether you're a parent, carer, teacher or in possession of significant power, such as an elected official or company director.
A balanced, caring human relationship presupposes that each person can retain control over his or her own life and responsibility for his or her actions. When you set out to help, educate or simply obtain something from another person, you can lose this balance if your plan is not explicit and does not seek the other person's equally explicit assent.
In some cases, making the project explicit and/or obtaining the consent of the person concerned is complicated. It may require time, expertise and a mediator. It may require pedagogy. In general, it requires a great deal of tolerance, patience and benevolence.
In the final analysis, is all manipulation necessarily malicious and unassertive? Quite possibly. Does intention make a difference? Probably, provided it is genuinely conscious and duly questioned. The fact remains that acting transparently and with the full agreement of others leads to longer-lasting, more nourishing relationships in any case.
At the end of the day, what really makes the difference is how consciously you act.
Sources
Beauvois, Jean Léon and Joule, Robert VIncent. Petit traité de manipulation à l'usage des honnêtes gens. PUG. https://www.education-authentique.org/uploads/PDF-DOC/JBM_Trait%C3%A9_manipulation_JouleBeauvois.pdf
Chalvin, Dominique. S'affirmer au lieu de fuir ou manipuler. In: L'affirmation de soi, ESF, 2019. 3.
https://shs.cairn.info/l-affirmation-de-soi--9782710138983-page-41
Cialdini, Robert. Influence and manipulation. the psychology of persuasion. Ed. First, 2021.
https://www.leslibraires.ca/livres/influence-et-manipulation-comprendre-et-maitriser-robert-b-cialdini-9782412049693.html?a=1302
Guegen, Nicolas. Psychology of manipulation and submission. 2021. On Cairn.
https://shs.cairn.info/psychologie-de-la-manipulation-et-de-la-soumission--9782100712922?lang=fr
Maulini, Olivier. 2018. On Unige.ch: What to think about the relationship of control in education?
https://www.unige.ch/fapse/SSE/teachers/maulini/publ-1804.pdf
Hecquard, Françoise. The relational contract. March 2026. On Thot Cursus
https://cursus.edu/fr/35625/le-contrat-relationnel
Hecquard, Françoise. Social styles: managing teams with personalities in mind. August 2017. On dynamiquesdechangement.fr: https: //dynamiquesdechangement.fr/2017/08/30/les-styles-sociaux-gerer-les-equipes-en-tenant-compte-des-personnalites-1/
Nazare-Aga, Isabelle. Les manipulateurs sont parmi nous. Ed. de l'homme, 2004.
https://www.babelio.com/livres/Nazare-Aga-Les-manipulateurs-sont-parmi-nous/1380240
Seltzer, Léon F. Might You Be a Little More Manipulative than You Think?
Tournebise, Thierry. Assertivité, l'affirmation de soi dans le respect d'autrui.
https://www.maieusthesie.com/nouveautes/article/assertivite.htm
The dramatic triangle. On Wikipedia: https: //fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_dramatique
Watzlawik, Paul. Faites vous-même votre malheur. ed. du Seuil.
https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faites_vous-m%C3%AAme_votre_malheur
You might also like:
Games that are too serious... aren't.
If we're presented with a game with rich, adaptable rules, a relevant territory, stimulating objectives and opportunities to win that encourage us to develop, then we can put all the stakes in the world, but we won't succeed in making it too serious. Only a game that's boring or no longer a game can become "too serious".
Educating young people to make decisions is a key factor in developing their autonomy in the face of an uncertain future. Yet schools are struggling to equip students with the tools they need to make the right choices. A decision-making pedagogy is emerging, based on participation, dialogue and tools for learning to objectify one's choices.
The unexpected, an opportunity to learn differently
Some practices to make the absence of a speaker the best possible teaching sequence
Formulas to increase engagement in a learning community
10 concepts and 10 concrete practices to encourage community involvement in its destiny
If the trainer steps aside, the group learns
What if the trainer gave more room to a group on functions that were previously devolved to him?
