For most people, the family is a fundamental point of reference, a source of confidence and stability. For many, however, it can also be a ball and chain, or even a gaping hole: a lack that they compensate for with varying degrees of success. In all cases, from childhood to adulthood, people have assisted, hindered or ignored us on our journey towards autonomy. Teachers are often chosen by students as mentors, as points of support they don't necessarily find at home.
Too much support can produce the opposite effect to that which the help is supposed to bring: chicken parents, helicopter parents, overly controlling or fearful parents don't really provide a favorable environment for experimentation and the development of autonomy. Unsolicited help, however benevolent, produces few positive effects. Conversely, resourceful children are generally appreciated and better prepared for life in society. Parents who can make it clear that they won't always be there for everything are an incentive to grow up. It's not always easy not to intervene, especially when you see your child struggling with difficulties you've experienced yourself.
The best parents aren't perfect, especially not in the eyes of their children, but the worst parents aren't necessarily those who look after their children badly, but rather those who don't look after them at all, while still being responsible for them. The child can't even replace them. A teacher generally prefers to deal with inconvenient parents rather than child protection authorities.
Family is more than just parents: it's also siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents. Our position within the family, whether we're the youngest, the oldest or somewhere in between, determines part of our responsibilities, our mentality and our trajectory. Family constellations exert many influences... and can also make good subjects for novels.
Parents monitor their children's progress, make sure that what is being done is appropriate, that their children are involved, and intervene when necessary. To what extent parents enter into the educational equation will always be a matter of debate; what is certain is that they cannot be ignored. Family ties persist and, whatever our history, they do not leave us indifferent.
Let's appreciate them.
Denys Lamontagne - [email protected]
